The Experience, Baby.

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Another night, at home watching “This Is Us” on netflix. Eating peanut butter from a spoon. My little frenchie Alice snorts like a plump pig as I happily give her the rest. Sometimes life itself feels entirely empty and I have no way of filling it back up again. I mean.. with meaning, of course.

Ive always wanted to make a difference, somehow. I feel like I’ve lived a million fragmented lives with all the things I’ve tried and jobs I’ve had. I am 26 years old and worked more jobs than all my years on earth. All in search of myself, in spite of myself.

The biggest regret they say, near the end of a life, is having too many regrets. The advice we always hear is to .. live, REALLY live while we’ve got the chance. I suppose I’ve tried. What a wild adventure and near the end I’ll share it with my grandkids If I ever had them.

“Grandma had commitment issues that echoed into every part of her life” I’ll say and they will nod their heads naive to the stigma attached to the choices I made.

Last night I pushed my seat back in the car and looked up a the stars while he drove. Everytime I do that I feel so small. So bewildered by the beauty that is in every single tiny piece of this universe.

What is the meaning of life? To experience it.. of course. It’s all about the experience baby.

There are the wars, and the children with terminal illness, the abuse of power and the mask of sanity that keeps us all docile. They put sugar in everything so we don’t know we are addicted,I got sober just long enough to get hooked on chocolate.

“They” sell our information to third parties who use it to suck us dry until every bit of money, emotion..life has been drained and we let them. We let them because we want to stay “connected”, as if we weren’t connected before.

So, what’s the meaning of life? The experience baby, the struggle. Don’t you feel alive? Β “They” say it’s all perspective.

I’ve been a fish cutter, a baker, a salesman, a cook, a housekeeper, a pizza maker, a walmart greeter, a farmer, a factory worker, newspaper page designer, dog walker and cosmetician.. to name a few. My latest gig was tattoo artist apprentice and of course throughout it all, a writer.

What have I learned? What infinite wisdom do I have in my youth? Don’t settle. Don’t settle until you find the thing that makes your stomach fire ignite and your soul say “this, this, this”. Keep a close watch for the quiet whisper, the soft nudge, the hidden clues. Your path is out there, amongst the chaos, behind all the rubble. There you are, you, all of you.

Don’t let “them” tell you what to be. Your parents, your boss, your lover, the world. If “they” take that.. then what else have you got?

The experience baby.. the experience.

 

Carlee Lloyd.

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